50/50 Chance--Sure

What began as an exciting morning turned into a rather disappointing afternoon. After a week of contractions and extreme low pressure, I went for my 37 week appointment today. I am measuring 38 weeks, 2 cm dilated, 70% effaced, and -1 station. The exciting (I know this is going to seem ironic at first) part was that my BP was 140/78, and Dr. Liao unexpectedly sent me to L&D from his office. Talk about an inital shocker! Basically, he said that because my cervix was "favorable" for labor, because baby Jackson is now full term, and because my BP was elevated, he was thinking of inducing me today. Yes, today. When we left the office, he said there was at least a 50/50 chance we would have Jackson today.

So Justin and I went home, finalized our hospital bag-packing, ate a very light lunch, and went to the hospital. Induction wasn't what I had in mind as my "ideal" labor, but I was ok with the idea-- especially if it meant not being pregnant anymore and having Jackson in my arms. When we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to the monitors, took serial BPs, and drew more blood.

Low and behold--everything was completely normal. Dr. Ng came to see me in the hospital room and wasn't the least bit concerned about what had been going on. Within two hours, they sent me home to return to my normal activities. Call me crazy, but this was really disappointing. It just seemed so strange to me to go from "at least a 50% chance of having the baby today" to two hours later "see you, you're fine."

I suppose it's for the best, but I just hate the thought of being back in the waiting game again. This just means more time to worry, be uncomfortable, get more stretch marks, and feel like a ticking time bomb about to go off at any second. I feel really selfish for feeling this way, but I can't help it. The whole ordeal seems so surreal to me--did this really just happen? I guess I wish that if we weren't going to have Jackson today, there wouldn't have ever been that 50% chance. Oh well, I guess I just have to squeeze the lemons and make some lemonade tonight. Jackson will arrive when he is supposed to arrive. God must have a totally different plan for my labor. Again, only time will tell.