It is interesting to me the way "human nature" works. We are slave to it, in my opinion, whether or not we like to admit it. I'm being rather introspective as I compose this post from my seat at the Alamo Drafthouse movie theatre awaiting a showing of "The Dark Knight Rises." I am realizing that while my reason stands to believe that the tragic movie theatre massacre in Colorado was a single act of violence not a new fate for all moviegoers, my psyche begs to differ.
I stood in line to enter the auditorium scanning the crowd ... looking for suspicious persons (not that James Holmes would have been someone I would have considered of suspect). Did that worker just give me a strange smile? Whew! Thank goodness there is a kid sitting beside me! Where exactly ARE the emergency exits again? To be perfectly honest, I even tapped around beneath my seat to see if I could reasonable wedge myself beneath them should the need arise. Then, I am also oddly comforted by the realization that we are not ever promised a tomorrow. So, I'm glad to be making my moments count by enjoying a "date" with my husband.
One thing I cannot rationalize, minimize, or fail to mention, however, is the profound sorrow I feel in attending this film. I refuse to let the murderer spawn fear and avoidance in me. In fact, I feel that would be an insult to the memories of those who lost their lives at his hand. Contrarily, I think my feelings of sorrow are healthy. Why am I allowed to live while so many other young lives (my peers, really) were lost? I do not know that answer. What I do know, however, is that I have heard so many stories of heroism and human sacrifice emerge from this tragedy. And that encourages me -- the unspoken "Batmans" that laid down their lives to protect friends, family, and strangers.
We cannot escape our human nature. But here's to hoping that at our essence, most of us are truly good.